Dec 17

Idiots: Part 1 of no-doubt many

It has to be said… I dislike idiots. I really do. They embody absolutely everything I strive against. I feel I must make plain my definition of idiocy. Many dictionaries hedge around defining ‘idiot’ or ‘idiocy’ by simply saying ‘being like, or acting as a stupid person’. Well what does that mean, then? They probably can’t/won’t say for fear of offending certain groups of people, who by definition, turn out to be idiots. Well here I go, breaching the gap:

An idiot is a person who willingly acts in a way contrary to the consensual betterment of a situation, cause or outcome; be that by purposefully hindering, endangering or otherwise halting the aforementioned, or knowingly abstaining from acting in a way that would prevent a hindering, endangering or halting action to occur with prior knowledge as to the outcome.

There we have it, the generalized Mr Llamatastic definition of an idiot. Chalk that one up in dictionaries around the world, I reckon that’ll cover it nicely.

You’ll notice I haven’t once mentioned the person’s intelligence, this is done purposefully as it is my belief that a person’s intelligence, or lack thereof, has absolutely no bearing on their status as an idiot. Some of the most clever people I know are utter idiots.

At this point I’d like to explain why at no point you’ll hear me refer to an idiot as ‘stupid’, as I feel they are two completely different things. A stupid person acts in a certain way without having thought about the consequences to themself or others; not necessarily in a malicious way, just reckless and in the absence of rational thought. Again, this person’s intelligence doesn’t necessarily have to be low for this to occur, those same very intelligent people I named before can be incredibly stupid at times.

An example of a person acting stupidly would be when a group are entering a dungeon in an attempt at slaying a bunch of goblins and their boss (this is a video game example, folks. Don’t be alarmed!). The leader instructs the group to walk on a certain path so as to not draw the attention of a nasty big group of gribblies just waiting to eat everyone. Having heard and understood the order, the stupid person goes along with it for a while… then they notice something about their user interface that isn’t exactly how they’d like it. They hit the ‘auto-run’ button as their solution to ‘keeping up with the group’ and proceed to piss about with their UI, completely oblivious to the fact that they’ve just run through a massive group of enemies who have killed him in seconds, and then run off to wipe out anyone he every loved or cared about. This person is stupid. They did something twattish without giving a single thought to the consequences or the feelings of others.

So then, let’s explore what constitutes an idiot. In the long and short of it, you don’t need me to tell you, in your everyday idiot-naming lives you use my definition above to label people idiots yourselves, you just might not be thinking of the logic behind it.

Here’s an example, then, of an idiot. See if you can spot the contrast to my definition of ‘stupidity’. (The following is a true story. Unfortunately, no idiots were harmed in the making of this blog.)

A person writes an incredibly in-depth, insightful and comprehensive guide for the layman on making potions etc. in Warhammer Online. This person is not a professional at all, they’re performing an altruistic act by attempting to help others understand what can otherwise be a pretty complicated task, offering help and advice with no personal gain. This skill in the game is known as ‘Apothecary’. In the person’s intro paragraph (a mere 5 or so lines out of an extensive guide) they said something to the tune of “Apothecary is the science of brewing up potions by adding acquired ingredients and stabilizing them with others” (I’m not going to say which forum I found this on or provide a link, that way I’m not identifying anyone specifically)

There were a chorus of comments saying  ‘thanks for the useful guide’, ‘good job’ and ‘that really helped me out’ which I approved of greatly as I feel people like that should be praised. They show they still have some comprehension of what it’s like to be a newbie and not know how to do things that, with experience, seem easy/simple. Then there was this one guy…

I’m not going to paste his exact comments because then it could be google-searched, but the general gist was: “a very informative guide, but I don’t think you should refer to Apothecary as a science. I think the process is somewhat too simple to properly convey the intricacies and complexity of science.” I am of course paraphrasing, there was possibly a little more of that and not so impeccably worded *buffs medal of self-importance*

This person… is a fucking idiot!!! Let’s refer to the newly created classical definition of an idiot, shall we?

An idiot is a person who willingly acts in a way contrary to the consensual betterment of a situation, cause or outcome; be that by purposefully hindering, endangering or otherwise halting the aforementioned, or knowingly abstaining from acting in a way that would prevent a hindering, endangering or halting action to occur with prior knowledge as to the outcome.

The person I’m talking about understood the value of the guide which had been presented, they even said it themselves. They then went on to willingly and purposefully obstruct and interfere with the praise being offered by blustering in with their own baseless criticism; which in my opinion doesn’t even count as a criticism, it’s more of an insubstantial conjecture. In order for it to be a criticism, they should have pointed out some element of the guide which was lacking, and offer a means by which it could be rectified or improved. Instead they just poked a hole in something for the sake of it.

Let us now delve into the realms of hypothesis for a moment, everyone loves a good hypothetical… Suppose this slack-jawed, ill-conceived, conceited arsehole of a twattish idiot has a point and that there actually is something to be whinged about. Let’s explore the basis of his comment. He’s clearly a gamer; more specifically an RPGer as his presence on an RPG forum attests. So, in his everyday gaming life he encounters people being resurrected at regular intervals, mythical beasts raining fiery death upon hapless townships populated by elves, dwarves, orcs, goblins and all manner of magical creatures. He himself will no doubt have consumed potions of super strength, travelled on the back of a manticore or beer-fuelled dwarven gyrocopter to get to each of his various destinations. This very same person has a problem with calling Apothecary a science…. A documented historical practice, harnessing the laws of chemistry and biology, giving birth to modern medicine, and still prevalent in our society in every pharmacy in the civilized world…. Of course, now I see his point! Now it’s all so startlingly clear to me!

What a cock…. What an idiot…..

So it is on that note that I finally stop my ranting. I feel this was a useful blog as from this point on my readers will know exactly what I’m talking about when I call someone an idiot or stupid.

I’d really appreciate absolutely any comments at all, be they in agreement or no. Please click on  ‘Leave a comment’ below to do so.

Be sure to check out Idiots: Part 2!

I write like
H. P. Lovecraft

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About the author

Mr Llamatastic


  1. James Chambers

    god luke you do waffle on a bit

    1. mrllamatastic

      I’m perfectly entitled to, this is my wafflezone!

      I would have thought you’d have an opinion on the matter though!

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